We Help You Get Info About The Issue
Of Black Women and White Men Dating .
This clip is from a talk show called Every Way Woman.
This segment features Niki McElroy. She is the author of the book A Black Girls Guide to Dating White Men.
This is a discussion on a variety of issues with this particular interracial dating.
This is a highly emotional subject. Lots of different strong opinions.
My name is Gia. My father is Black (African-American to be politically correct) and my mother is White (Anglo-American). From my earliest memories we have always had both sides of the family, and all their friends, over our house. When I first starting liking boys, I honestly never paid much attention to if that particular boy was black or if this particular boy was white. I just liked who I liked. But of course, as I got older and starting learning there was an whole entire world out there beyond me. I started learning about the history of blacks in America. I became much more conscious of race, being bi-racial, etc. I still kept dating the black guy if I liked him. Or the white guy if I liked him. However, I was much more aware of how other people reacted to it. I really began to educate myself about this whole subject of interracial dating. There is definitely a difference when it is BMWM than when it is a BWWM. I created an entire BWWM book about this specific subject. More information about that is below. But first I just have to talk a little more about this whole issue. It is what motivated to create this webpage.
BWWM DURING SLAVERY
Please bear with me, I promise this is not going to turn into a long rant. And I know many people don’t like to talk about this. But it’s really impossible to talk about the interracial dating issue without it.
When we think of slavery we all immediately have this image of the slaves, on a plantation, in the fields picking cotton. But slavery was way more than just that. Remember the new America needed to be built from sea to shining sea. This required an unimaginable massive amount of labor. Therefore, one of the main purpose of slavery was to have this huge free workforce of men to clear the forrest, build the roads, build the cities, build the infrastructures, build businesses, build the homes, etc. And, the main purpose of the slave women was to breed more workers.
And, one of the biggest benefits of slavery is that the slave owner, or whoever he gave permission to, could go down to the slave shacks and pick a female and do whatever he wanted to with her. There were only a few rules. She could not be one of the master’s favorites. She could not be too young (If she had some tits and ass, then she wasn’t too young). And you could not mess her up to where she couldn’t breed no more. The whole point I am trying to make here to that, for hundreds of years, the white man was the black woman’s rapist.
This is just a fact, and way of daily life, back then. It is the reason why there are millions of black people with different shades of skin color today. And it has a lot to do with the backlash that black women deal with today when dating a white man.
Of course the immediate, and completely rational, response is that there is not a white man alive today that had anything to do with slavery. However, the legacy, results, and repercussions, of all those years are still very much with us today. Therefore, you still get the emotional feelings about it. Black women should recognized, and acknowledge, this.
BWWM DURING CIVIL RIGHTS ERA
If you just think for a moment about the history of the whole entire human race, America is not really that old. Something like 600 years since Columbus gets credit for discovering it (although there were people already here). And much less than that since the independence from England and we officially became The United States of America. Compared to Europe where their history is thousands of years old. Then, of course, there is all the Bible history which goes back thousands, and thousands, of years all the way to Adam and Eve. The point I’m trying to make is that slavery was not really all that long ago, and not all that irrelevant.
This for all of those who say we should just get over it and move on. But, if you really think about it, black people have come a long way in a fairly short amount of time in American history. However, let’s quickly look at interracial dating between blacks and whites that’s a lot closer to now. The 1960s which many people alive today, including my parents, clearly remember.
You can easily go somewhere like Wikipedia to learn about what was called Anti Miscegenation laws that prohibit blacks from marrying whites. And, considering what the slave owners did with female slaves, it’s kind of funny to point out that it was actually against the law for a white person and a black person to have sex. This is all during a time where a black man could be killed if a white woman simply thought he looked at her the wrong way. (It is amazing how that has changed, but BMWW is a another whole subject.)
In 1967 there was a landmark Supreme Court case Loving vs. The State of Virginia. Richard Loving was white. And Mildred was black. (Ironic the last name is Loving) So this is a BWWM that met, dated, and fell in love. But it was against the law for them to get married in Virginia. Therefore, they drove to Washington DC, where there was no such law, and got married in 1958.
But when they returned home to Virginia they both were arrested. They were held for some time in jail. When they were released they were actually banished from the state for 25 years. They were guilty of violating the State Of Virginia’s Racial Integrity Act. If they returned to Virginia during this 25 year period they would be sent to prison. The Lovings agreed to leave Virginia and move to Washington DC. For 5 years, they lived in DC. Again, you can just Google Loving vs Virginia and get the whole story which is fascinating. But the bottom line is that they both really missed home. And they contacted a lawyer and sued the state of Virginia. It was a long process but eventually it went to the Supreme Court where they won. Keep in mind that they married and was arrested in 1958. They did not win their case until 1967.They remained married and had 3 kids. Richard Loving was killed in a car accident, by a drunk driver, in 1975. Mildred died in 2008. Now that wasn’t all that long ago was it.
This is one example of how deep the feelings against interracial dating and blacks marrying whites run. Can you just imagine how many times he was called a “Nigger Lover”. If they had not won their case, which had to go all the way to the Supreme Court, they could not have gone back to Virginia until the year 2000. Virginia kicked them out for the rest of the century! Is it really any wonder why BWWM is still an issue today. At least you don’t have to worry about being thrown in jail. Even though, some of your friends and family may banish you.
BWWM COUPLES TODAY
The previous section was just one couple’s story. There have been hundreds of other stories in the history of black women and white men couples. Unfortunately, many do not have a fairy tale happy ending. But then again most everyone is obviously aware of the challenges they will face before they decide to start a relationship. Therefore, they enter into it with the full expectation that it won’t be a fairy tale. Perhaps, in many ways, it is this dynamic that makes the relationship stronger. Because it really is the two of them against the world.
I spent some time talking about the history of this because it matters! If people would just take some time to learn about their history it will be an enormous help in recognizing, understanding, and dealing with, the present. And in the past, interracial dating, particularly black white dating has been a taboo subject. And especially when it is a black woman and a white man.
However, the numbers of these relationships have been increasing. And they are becoming more visible in the mainstream. There have been movies on the big screen in recent years like Lakeview Terrace, Guess Who, Something New (which is the photo above). There have also been many other movies that feature BWWM. So just as in the case of the black guy with the white girl, everyone still has their personal feelings and opinions about it. But it has become so common that acceptance of it has increased. Or people are just tired of talking about it. And it is getting more that way with the black girl and the white guy. The more we see it, the less of a reaction there is to it. So, more and more in society are becoming open-minded to these relationships. But of course, there still remains many who are bothered by BWWM couples, and will let you know about it.
You do not need a degree in sociology to know that one of the biggest challenges are the cultural differences between the races. It is another reason why I spent time on the history. Because there are deep-rooted prejudices that will not go away. At least not in our lifetime. And some of the strongest societal pressures, and the biggest opposition, can come from family members. Family will often vehemently oppose the relationship. Ironically it is mostly about their issues, and their fears about how it will affect the family’s image. What will their friends think if their white son brings home a black girl? Keep in mind these are usually parents that are old enough to vividly remember the Lovings for example. They lived through how it was back then.
Then you always get the “What if they had children. Would the kids fit in anywhere”, etc. Plus black women in particular have the added societal pressure that comes from the Black Community of being judged as a “sell out” or “abandoning the brothas” etc. It is kind of ironic that they may face being ostracized in their own community where many of the black men are out chasing white girls (lol)! It seems like in some ways black women are suppose to wait around until the black men get the “blonde hair blue eyed fever” out of their systems. Or worst, be content with sharing him. And the reassurance that he will always come home to you… after he finishes screwing her. Possibly, could this be one of reasons why BWWM relationships are increasing!
Another big contributing factor in the increase is the ability to discreetly connect through interracial dating sites. I can be honest and say that I have met some white guys this way. Of course, all of the same rules apply as with meeting anyone online. Just use common sense and don’t be so quick to give out personal info about yourself. Keep it online for a while. And when you do decide to meet in person, make it a public place. But unlike someplace like match.com, you know that everyone on an interracial dating site is open to the ideal. Or else they wouldn’t have joined the site! So if you are considering it, then this is one of the very best places to start. You can check the site that I was a member of here
So the bottom line is that more, and more, black women are saying no to limiting their options. Yes these couples will face some trials and tribulations. However, there are many black women and white men couples that are successful, and happy relationships. Many are even married with kids. They choose to ignore the outside pressures. They chose to go ahead to enjoy the many amazing benefits of learning about, and accepting, the others culture.
How do you feel about it? Want to know what other people really think?
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